The Good-bye Girl

Many thanks to Melinda, Lynn, Kimly

(This is a Buffy POV story.)

I stood by a tree across from the school. Thankfully, they were all there. Giles, Xander, Cordelia, Willow, and Oz, probably wondering where I was. In truth, I was wondering myself. With the pain I was feeling, with everything that had happened, I briefly wondered if perhaps Angelus had won. Was this actually *Hell*?

For me it was.

My life as I had known it had ended. I was no longer Buffy Summers-- daughter, friend, high school student, vampire slayer. I was Buffy Summers--outcast, murder suspect and fugitive.

Part of me realized that the murder charges would be dropped. The Sunnydale Police Department was never known for its crack investigative efficiency. It, like the majority of all Sunnydale residents, was in denial. I was sure that Giles and the others would be able to convince them of my innocence. Sunnydale's finest would probably use the standard PCP/Gang scenario. Again, can you say denial?

Being expelled? No real worries there. It's not like I'll *need* a diploma for slaying. It's not like I'm ever gonna have the chance to go to college and have a really great career. I once asked Giles if Slayers ever got to retire. It's not like I didn't already know the answer, but I wanted...No...I needed to hear it from him. I remember the look in his eyes. It was the same look that my mom had when she was telling me that she and my dad were getting a divorce. It was the look of a parent having to tell a child something very unpleasant and final.

My mom, now that's another story. I'm sure that she didn't really mean to kick me out of the house. I'm really sorry that I did not have time to explain everything to her. But again, talk about denial... I hope that Giles can explain things to her.

Giles, he was another reason I was across from the school and not hauling butt out of town. I needed him to know what happened. I owed him that. So after the bell rang, and everyone departed for their first classes, I made way to the school through the sewer tunnels. By some miracle, I found the right access tunnel and was able to get to the library through the stacks.

Since nobody was there, I figured I'd be better off waiting in Giles' office just in case anybody suddenly had the desire for a book or a quiet place to study. Before I could get across the room to the office, Giles popped out carrying a cup and saucer in one hand, but I must have startled him because they went crashing to the floor.

After a moment, he recovered and suggested I get into his office before anyone saw me, leaving the broken cup and saucer for the moment. I quickly made my way into his office and collapsed on the couch.

"Thank God you're alright. We were worried."

Giles looked at me, waiting for me to speak. That's when the tears started. Again. I was vaguely aware of him sitting down next to me as he took me into his arms. It was odd to have Giles hold me like that, but I didn't fight it. He stroked my hair and murmured soothing words of comfort. For all I know, he was reciting the alphabet. After a time, I finally felt I could let go, even if I didn't want to.

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. I took it and wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

When I found my voice I said, "I sent him to Hell."

"Angelus?"

"No." I swallowed hard and tried to form the name. "Angel."

"An...Angel?" Giles said tentatively, as I fought to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over again.

"He pulled the sword from Acathla, and we were fighting. Just as I was abo-...about to kill him he doubled over in pain. At first, I thought it was a trick. But it wasn't. It was Angel. My Angel. So there I am thinking that everything was gonna be OK. Then I noticed the vortex opening.......*OH GOD GILES. I HAD TO DO IT.* I had to."

Giles wrapped his arms around me and just held me as I convulsed with tears. He rocked me back and forth telling me how sorry he was. I have no idea how we sat there, but I do remember that it was the first time that I had felt safe in a long time.

When I was able to compose myself, I finally pulled away. It was the second hardest thing I had ever done. I got up and started pacing the room. Giles knew I wanted to tell him something, as he was looking at me expectantly.

"I came to say good bye. I need to get out of Sunnydale for a while. So much has happened, you know?"

"Buffy, I th-"

"No Giles," I began cutting him off. "In case you forgot, I'm wanted for murder. Oh, and did I mention that my mother knows about me and kicked me out of the house??? And of course, let's not forget that Herr Snyder expelled me yesterday."

"These are all things we can deal with Buffy. The others can attest to the fact the you did not kill Kendra. And well, I suppose it is time to explain things to your mother. As far as Snyder is concerned, he cannot expel you without calling a board of review first."

"Please Giles, I just need to get away for a few days...to sort things out."

"Think about it for a moment would you?"

"I have thought about it Giles. Besides, I didn't come here to ask your permission. I came here to let you know what happened."

"I see." Giles stood and went over to his desk . He took his keys, opened up one of the drawers, and pulled out a manila envelope. "Since I doubt that any argument I might make will dissuade you, you'd better have this."

The envelope Giles handed me bulged at the bottom. I opened it and dumped the contents onto his desk . I was shocked to find a sizeable stack of used $20s, an ID bearing my picture with a false name, an index card with an LA address in on it and a key taped to it, and an open bus ticket to Los Angeles. I looked to Giles for an explanation.

"You can never be too prepared. I always figured that it would be a good idea to have a bolt-hole in case things got too rough. It seems I was right."

"Good thinking," I replied as I shoved the contents of the envelope into various pockets. I examined the ID. The picture of me wasn't that great, but it looked real enough. "How on earth did you get this ID? Did Willow help?"

"Let's just say that I wasn't always a librarian and leave it at that shall we?"

I nodded and reached down for my bag. "Will you talk to my mom? Explain things to her?"

"I had hoped it wouldn't ever come to that, but under the circumstances I suppose there is no choice. Now about the apartment...There is plenty of canned food and those frozen, uh television, dinners. The phone is in working order, so I expect you to call me when you get there. Understood?"

"Understood. And Giles?"

"Mm?" Giles responded, looking at his watch.

"Thanks. For everything."

"You're welcome Buffy. Now if you hurry, you can catch the 10:30 bus to Los Angeles."

Saying good bye, I hugged Giles one last time, reveling in the safe feeling it gave me. When I pulled away, I asked him to let the others know that I was OK, but not to let them know where I had gone. He nodded his agreement as he walked over to the door to make sure the coast was clear. I quickly made my way through the stacks and back into the tunnels.

As I sit here now on the bus to LA, I look out the window reflecting on the past few months. I see the sign "Now Leaving Sunnydale-Come back soon!" and I think to myself: Maybe.

-Fin-